Dead or missing forever?

I'm reading Kate Atkinson's Case Histories at the minute. In the space of one paragraph she asks two interesting but difficult questions.

The first one. If you had to chose with respect to your child either dead or missing forever, which would you pick?

The second one. What do you do when the worst thing that could happen to you has already happened (i.e. your child is dead or missing forever)? Do you continue on? Do you seek answers? Or do quit and cash in your chips?

In relation to the first one, I think I'd go with missing forever. I know this has no resolution and it would plague me forever as to what had happened, probably driving me mad in the process, but there is the hope that he/she might have a good life. In relation to the second, I think I'd have to continue on for the sake of everyone else, but it would be damned hard work.

There're no easy answers here and I suspect if I was to discuss and debate this when I'd got a few drinks in me, my views on them might become a bit fluid. And if I'd got the drink in me after my kid died/disappeared heaven knows where that might lead.

How about you? Dead or missing forever?